By Jill Roberts
Once, during a therapy session, the therapist asked, “Do you think you deserve to be happy?” Partly insulted by the insinuation that I would believe to the contrary, I quickly responded, “Of course, I deserve to be happy!”
What would make her think otherwise, I thought? After all, she’d known the choices I had recently braved for the sake of love and happiness. Even through difficult and uncertain circumstances, I had managed to maintain a positive and upbeat attitude; So, what would lead her to ask that question, I considered.
Later that day, as I continued to ponder, it occurred to me that her inquiry was prompted after I shared feelings of guilt for the many ways I felt inadequate as a Mom. The confession came on the heals of me blissfully sharing about the joys in my life that were outside the parameters of motherhood. I was enjoying life, yet I felt compelled to find reason why I shouldn’t. Essentially, albeit subconsciously, I was finding fault for being happy.
As I became more self-aware of the unconscious tendency to self-sabotage, I insightfully understood the question. It was enlightening to understand that when I allow guilt, or even worry, fear, or self-judgement, to permeate my thoughts, I dilute life’s blissful flavors. I began to learn it’s okay to feel joy and happiness.
That doesn’t mean I ignore or escape feelings of guilt. Since guilt can be a natural signal that I need to recalibrate, or reconsider, what, or who, gets my time. However, I need not allow unpleasant emotions to hover, and take away from the gratitude I feel when I’ve done something I enjoy.
Yes, I deserve to be happy, because we ALL deserve to be happy; with no If’s, And’s, or But’s.